The Sheep That Didn’t Belong
For those of you that can relate to an addiction surrounded world, just know I see you and I understand you. Many have heard of the “black sheep” of the family. The one who may be the troublemaker or the one who doesn’t seem to belong. Being the ‘black sheep’ of the family is a relationship I have felt that I know many others have as well. I often have been told that I do not understand their actions and that I judge them. That I am self righteous or have abandoned the only blood I have left.
I don’t judge addicts and they are correct. I can not fully relate to their daily struggle. And the thing is I can’t let my mind go there because when I do, I get lost in sadness for what they are missing out on.
Here’s the thing –
Us, the ones who unfortunately lose loved ones to addiction whether they are still alive or have passed away, go through things that are unfair due to the choices of others. We have a right to feel the way we do with sadness and anger. We have a right to be proud of our choices and live a happy, filled life away from them. Not because we don’t care or love them, but because we deserve to break away from it.
I was so close to going down the wrong road to addiction- I mean, IT WAS the only thing I knew as an adolescent child. So why wouldn’t I follow it. Something inside of me knew that I didn’t want to suffer like the ones I love. I knew one choice could lead me there. One night of partying with a crowd that could would end up with a lifelong struggle of hurting loved ones around me. I am confident of my awareness of this – not because I judged, but I knew I would never get the people I loved back after realizing they succumbed to their addiction.
For all of you with family or friends that are addicts, I know your pain. I know you love them and want things to be different. It is so hard to overcome and to take your own path. The people that mean the most will resent you more than anyone else. They will look at you like you’re judging them and they will think that you believe you are better than them. It becomes so toxic that no matter how lonely they are and how much you want to be there for them, you have to, at some point, walk away. As hard as that is – it is ok.
It’s a lonely world you will lead. The support others around you have from the ones that should be there will be absent. You will have others judge you for the actions of your loved ones that suffer from addiction. The beautiful thing is, there are people who will support you and will celebrate your successes.
It takes a strong willed mind to stay focused and to overcome. You will have days of defeat and struggles. You will continue to watch the ones around you self-destruct. But overcoming this will be one of the happiest days of your life. When you can look back at how far you’ve come and the goals you have reached. Taking your own path will be worth every struggle you have encountered. Personally, I went a long time in my life thinking I was doing it on my own, not understanding where my strength came from. Now, as an adult, faith in God is what has and does help me understand why I have gone through some of the darkest days by myself. He has a purpose and a plan for me. I lean on him now more than ever and I am growing myself daily in his words.
If you feel this and can relate, know he has a plan for you and a purpose. As always, it’s ok to separate yourself and take your own path. It is never too late to be proud of yourself. -Gracee