TEN years later and I’ll always love you.

January 30, 2021

We all have parents, obviously.

Relationships vary and we observe and compare our connection with our parents to others, as we get older and grow in life. For mothers some are your best friend. They are compassionate, brave, protective and nourishing to the core. Others may have mothers that you never have that connection with, they don’t seem to care, they aren’t nourishing and they are flat out toxic. As for some, we have mothers that battle something bigger than they can control. Whatever that “bigger “may be, it will forever have a profound impact on you and the relationship you could’ve had and deserved. The loss of a mother, especially at a young age, is something no one wants to experience.

I am speaking for myself on this one, we all wish and desire our mothers support, guidance and friendship from birth until old age.

My siblings and I were children of a mother that couldn’t overcome addiction. My mother Christina Lyn, who went by Christy had a heart of gold. She was one of those people who others just LOVED. She was fun, adventurous and outgoing. Growing up she loved life, had several friends, absolutely loved animals (must be where we all get it from) and worked hard. At one point, she proudly owned her own dog grooming business in Pickerington, OH. Unfortunately, prior to my birth she got involved with drugs and I know she would’ve never got involved with drugs, if she knew the outcome and the life struggles that lied ahead. As many know, there are so many different things one can become addicted to. The unknowns are the various ways it can affect an individual.

My mother was a non-functioning addict. She would have to be completely clean and off of drugs or alcohol to be a good mother, daughter, sister, friend and employee. At a very young age, her addiction ultimately led to her losing custody of her daughters.  My mother suffered with mental illness and used drugs as a way to numb her thoughts and feelings. As I grew up, I witnessed that addiction was bigger than her. She was absent and most of times not a good person to be around.

Unfortunately, addiction is something that most of us are far too familiar with. One thing I passionately express to those that do not understand addicts, at one time in their life they WERE NOT AN ADDICT. They work hard, love hard and would not put you through the tragedy that they do/did. The addiction becomes bigger than them and they are not who they once were. However, the love you have for an addict doesn’t ever change, it ultimately transforms to hurt

For myself, I never had the mother I deserved, wanted or craved.

One thing I am certain about is my mother loved her daughters. She was there every single time she was able overcome and battle the demons she fought. She showed us her frustration, sadness and her own disappointment in her decisions. Now as an adult, I look back and know that she wanted more than anything to be clean and be here for her girls.

February 2nd, 2021 marks 10 years since she lost her battle with addiction and was taken off life support. This is a time in my life that will be forever engraved in me. In honor of my mother, I made a promise to myself to be the mother she always wanted to be. I created this space to help support others and to show you everyone has their own battles. You may feel like you are alone and down in the trenches. You are not alone and will not be judged!  I am here to share my life stories to help you overcome and be determined to rise above. My goal is to assist and support others through the power of healing messages and love.  I found my faith in God around 4 years ago and I believe he is using me to help you.

I CHOSE TO TAKE THE PATH OF BRAVERY

I CHOSE TO TAKE MY OWN PATH

  • I chose to deal with my hard feelings and to cope.
  • I chose not take the easy way out and numb myself to get by.
  • I chose to be strong for my children
  • I chose to make decisions that will not take over my life.
  • I chose to understand that my mother and others suffer from mental illness and addiction.
  • I chose not to be closed- minded and judge my mother and others as addicts.
  • I chose to keep my head up and only look forward

My hope is you can too. 

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I am so glad for you Gracee! Allowing Jesus to live in and THROUGH you and love through you is a life giving choice. I am so glad you gave your life to Him. CONTINUING to love you and pray for you and yours always.

Hi Jill!

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate your friendship! Love, Gracee

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